Earnestly Speaking

John Legend: Stay with you

I will stay with you through the ups and the downs
Oh, I will stay with you when no one else is around
When the dark clouds arrive, I will stay by your side
I know we'll be all right
I will stay with you

Understanding what you really want

Sometimes we get too caught up with the business of living our lives, we forget to take the time to figure out the Hows and the Whys.

I remember a friend of mine who was moaning to me about being tired, feeling unfulfilled and her dissatisfaction with life in general. And then she cut short our heart-to-heart because she needed to go back and catch a favourite TV show. Ah, priorities.

Right now, I'm still trying to refine mine. There are too many things I like doing - singing, writing, guitar, gaming, machinima - but I don't have the time to get to all of them. I want to learn a new language (or four), climb Mt.Kinabalu, run a marathon, write songs and screenplays, shoot an indie but I'm beginning to realise I have to choose.

If you're in the same quandary, why not read this piece by the Leo Babauta of Zenhabits.com - Reclaim Your TIme: 20 Great Ways to Find More Free Time.

Before:

"I’ve always wanted to write, but never had the time. I’ve always wanted to exercise, but was too busy. I always wanted to travel, but who can get away? I’ve always wanted to spend time with my kids, but work comes first, right?"

After:

"Today, I wake early and exercise or spend some quiet time reading and writing. I’ve written a novel and a non-fiction book. I write this blog. I run and have finally run a marathon (two actually) and completed a triathlon. I spend afternoons and evenings and all weekends with my kids and wife."

It's not brain science, prioritising. But it's hard because it's not easy to just say goodbye to the things you like doing because you want to focus on what you love doing.

“Time is a gift, given to you, given to give you the time you need, the time you need to have the time of your life.”

-Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

And I'm taking this time, now, to make some hard decisions.
Let's see where that leads me.

 

Pilates: part the third

I just had to kill myself laughing at this cartoon - Pilates of the Caribbean indeed!

Third day of Pilates and my body's gotten more used to the routine. Pilates requires you to really switch off - to listen to your body and mentally focus on the movements. None of that loud music to distract you from physical discomfort. I even found myself sweating as I did my inner thigh stretches and I suppose that's a good thing.

Will give my body a bit of a rest tomorrow because three days straight of Pilates is stretching my limits already. I remember the last time I over-exerted myself - couldn't sit without wincing from the pain for weeks!

Diet progress? I let myself have a little treat by buying a nice big bar of Cadbury's Old Jamaica. It's sitting in the fridge for the odd snack but have also purchased a healthy alternative - plain old raisins. I quite like having the meal replacement shakes for breakfast - now I never miss that 'most important meal of the day'.

I suppose there must be some progress as I showed up at a press conference today and a fellow reporter insisted on snapping a picture of me because I 'look so different!'. Goal for the month is pretty simple - to lose 2kg by month end. Once I've managed to get through 10 sessions of Pilates, I'll add some cardio to the mix and start jogging or perhaps wake up early for a session of Sun Salutations.

Blogging about my weight-loss journey seems to be working as a motivator. Now, if only I wasn't too chicken-shit to keep a food journal...

P1 WIMAX - still a work in progress

Well, at least we know the pricing now.

You choose between two contracts - 12-month or 24-month. 12-month contract: RM99 for 1.2Mbps, RM229 for 2.4Mbps. Choose the 24-month contract, and the pricing dips to RM89 and RM199.

What I'm not too excited about is WIMAX is still only readily available in KLCC, Golden Triangle (Bukit Bintang and surrounding areas), Pekeliling, Setapak, Gombak, Seri Rampai, Sentul, Pudu and selected areas in Subang Jaya, USJ 1, USJ 7 and the Subang Hi-Tech area.

Everywhere else? Wait until the end of 2008.

Oh well, plenty of time for all the other broadband providers to grovel at our feet muchly.

And their WIMAX site at www.p1w1max.com hasn't even been updated with the plans. Not to mention the link to the coverage map is broken.

Ah, WIMAX, our relationship was not meant to be. And I shall be stuck with my crappy wireless broadband for a long while yet...

Pain, gain and learning not to complain

I feel like channeling Lainie today so here goes...

It's funny, baby, how when I'm feeling the least bit doubtful about us, you call or text me.
Like just now when I was telling myself not to call you until Friday. I've been so clingy lately that I was afraid you'd become cold or distant.

And just when I'm thinking that, the phone beeps and I read this:
"Be happy. Am here for you."

It happens so often I should be used to it by now. But, honey, it's still magic to me that your heart can still hear mine across the miles.

***
This whole weight-loss regiment is a pain. So far I've lost some of the flab...from my face. The rest of my body needs coaxing so I've started on Pilates. I'm not even supposed to be doing any heavy lifting so I thought mat exercises would be safe enough.

Safe they are, but I am sore. My inner thighs hurt. My back muscles feel like they've been wrung through a drier. And looking in the mirror, I realise my posture's gone off. My lower back arches too much while my litle pot belly leads the way - a sign my core muscles are out of shape.

And my ass has definitely seen better days.

But Pilates is good for me - I can stay horizontal, no sweating involved and after it's over, I know I've got a good workout from the way I feel the next morning.

OW OW OW OW OW OW OW
***
The P1 WIMAX launch is tomorrow. Will likely pop in just because I can.

WIMAX please don't suck.

But I heard they won't even be covering all of PJ until the end of the year.

The gods of Internet hate me. Or they just want to break me up with WOW.

Sniff.

***
I'm going to be NaNoWriMo ML for Malaysia again this year. Am excited - the new t-shirt looks awesome and I can't wait for November to roll around. I've already got novel ideas but I still remember Sharon saying to me "You can't just Nano forever, you know."

Maybe not forever, but just as long as I can.

I love my Nano peeps.

***
When things go wrong, the skies go dark, when loss and grief come by...I'm grateful for good friends, Euro Deli, bak kut teh, Bailey's with milk, Cold Storage and McDonald's delivery.

***
So I look at pictures of you and me. And it doesn't hurt anymore.

Because it's all good.

Not the way it used to be, nor will it ever be the same.

But the memories make me smile now.

And that, my dear friend, is a good thing.

What the human mind can concieve, it can achieve

Michael Phelps won his 8th Olympics gold in a row - with the help of Aaron Peirsol, Brendan Hansel and Jason Lezak. (Image from Getty)

The American 4 x 100m Medley Relay team claimed their second consecutive victory in the event, bettering their Athens 2004 world record to 3:39.34. Certainly a sweet victory all round.
I'm just hoping against hope that Phelps will be proven a true champion - one that didn't resort to steroids, blood doping and other such 'cheats'. He'll also prove a great role model for all the ADD-diagnosed kids out there. Diagnosed with the condition at 9, his primary teacher brusquely told his mother "Oh, he's not gifted."

His mother used swimming as a way to help him keep focused, to ease his constant restlessness. If only other mothers were as insightful about child rearing as she was. She could have given up on him the way his teacher did or kept him doped on medication to 'control' him. With a parent like that, let's hope Phelps remains level-headed, focused and a great example to the rest of us in the power of daring to dream.
 

Permatang Pauh's upcoming 'boxing match' and this bookie's odds

So we Malaysians have our popcorn and passports ready to see the results of the Permatang Pauh by-elections.

Popcorn to watch the high drama; passports in case things get ugly. Singapore might just see a sudden influx of 'tourists' if the BN gets skittish and declares emergency status if Anwar wins. Or if he doesn't. You know, to prevent riots and so forth and so forth.

Why am I using a McCain and Obama picture? Because if China can get away with misrepresentation, so can I. Oh, and I'm too lazy to Photoshop. Plus it's easy to get pictures of Anwar but not so that other fella, Arif Shah Omar.

Of course, we can already expect our local media to publish pro-government headlines. NST, for example, is always up to the 'duty' with this Bernama-sourced piece:
NAJIB: BN expects tough battle, but confident of winning Permatang Pauh

The AP begs to differ with their newspiece by an obviously unbiased Eileen Ng:
"Malaysia's top opposition leader filed nomination papers Saturday for a Parliament by-election that he is expected to win easily — the first step in his bid to bring down the government and become prime minister."

And because Bernama just loves using the word 'confident' in its headlines, here's another one I got off NST: Both BN and Pakatan confident of winning Permatang Pauh seat

Winner of most pompous election headline goes to The Star with this doozy:
By-election Battle Royale

At least they didn't use the word 'confident'.

Back to the odds. I confidently predict that Anwar will win this one.

Why? Because his opponent's too old to be a certain someone's son-in-law.

Second - since the government insists on doing a repeat performance of the sodomy charge, they'll probably want to wait until Anwar wins the Permatang Pauh seat. So it'll be even more satisfying to clap him in chains.

Third - he's got Tun M's backhanded belief that he'll win with this statement of overwhelming confidence:

“I think Arif Shah will not lose as badly as other candidates before him or other candidates in his place.” quoth the venerable one to The Star.

Yes, Anwar will win, BN's 'Cemerlang' Rempits will likely also make an appearance, a certain DPM will be pleased that we're forgetting about certain Mongolian-obsessed bloggers in the ruckus and Saiful swear-on-the-holy-book will be buying boy-love manga from the nearest bookstore to ensure his upcoming testimony is convincing.

Why I don't smoke, but don't mind if you do

I don't smoke.

But I don't condemn my friends who do. I won't buy you cigarettes when I go to the duty-free but if we're traveling together, you can take my cigarette allocation.

Not that I'll be using it, anyway.

Life is hard. Dying is easy. If you think nicotine will take off the edge of how miserable life can be - that daily grind of working, of suffering cruel, stupid people (politicians especially)-then I won't begrudge you your cancer sticks.

I don't smoke because it doesn't do anything for me. When I was little, I used to be plagued with chest congestion. I remember nights crying myself to sleep in pain and fear, because ohgodohgodithurtsmommyican'tbreathe. And my mother could do nothing but rub my chest with Vicks, give me warm drinks and tell me it'll all be fine in the morning, just try to go to sleep now. She still has kittens over me; probably due to my spending more time in a sick bed than outdoors.

So voluntarily clogging up my chest with smoke does not appeal.

Or try getting viral bronchitis. It feels like a wicked witch's turned your lungs into lead, turning even rolling onto your side an exercise in sheer masochism. But it made breathing effortlessly seem an unappreciated miracle.

I've puffed a few cigarettes before I joined the cast of Refugee:Images. Smoking makes singing harder - it bites at your stamina, dries out your throat and irreversibly changes the tonal quality of your voice.

And this isn't a warning to those who already smoke. You already know what it does and you've made your peace with it. I pray cancer doesn't get you. But the ones just starting out or thinking of it - get a hobby. Spend your money on better things like a good book. Good food.

Because you don't want to be in a hospital bed at night thinking ohgodohgodithurtsican'tbreathe.

Of ideal and not-so-ideal weights

This obsession over dieting, weight loss and exercise in modern society annoys me.

"Oh if I just lose XX pounds, I'll be happy!"

Then there are the women whose legs you could break with two fingers moaning "I'm faaaaat!" You know you're not fat, I know you're not fat, so stop insulting our collective intelligence. Wait, you don't have any.

The big women I know don't usually draw attention to their larger size. They're fine with it (for the most part), except when it comes to that dreaded activity - shopping for larger sizes in Malaysia.

I even got depressed shopping in Hong Kong where dress and shoe sizes were so small, I wondered if the entire population had been replaced by a colony of Munchkins.

So why am I on a two meal replacements a day diet? Well, it's because I spent last year gaining 10kg from playing too much WoW and treating Coke and potato chips as important food groups. And I'm recuperating from a hormonal-related illness and am too fatigued to prepare proper healthy food so nutritious shakes it is. The only proper meal I have a day is lunch while breakfast and dinner comprise with powder supplements mixed with skim milk.

"Why not just exerciselah?" I have too little physical strength right now to heave around all the extra kilos I gained last year. So like it or not, some of that weight has to come off first. Shed a couple of kilos of extra fat, gradually add exercise into the mix (light hatha yoga is all I can manage at the moment) and hopefully I will weigh 5 kilos less by Christmas. Shedding 1kg or 2.2lbs a month is a manageable goal, I think. I don't hold with overly rapid weight loss - I've seen a certain Sultan's wife who is gorgeous in pictures but up close is haggard. Her skin is stretched so tight over her jaw, you can already tell what she'll look like at 40 - jowly. I think I'll just shoot for 55kg and stay there.

"Why not embrace your size?" Because to be honest, what I look like at 55kg and what I look like now at 65kg, there's just no contest. I'm not big-boned - my frame really isn't suited to carry extra weight. But I wouldn't want to look like a toothpick either.

And I'm blogging this so I'll be committed to losing weight instead of just being satisfied with the fact my bust is currently awesome. 34E for the win! I'll miss those when I lose weight, but I won't miss warily eying dresses I like and hope I can get out of them.

Midnight epiphanies

I prayed yesterday for guidance. For years I wanted to know what I was, who I was and where I should go.
"Tell me my path, Lord. I am so tired of walking in the wilderness." And now I understand. It all makes sense after looking back.
The gist of my job is to tell stories, to tell them well and to tell stories that matter. My way is the storyteller's.
I am a storyteller.